So Much To Do...

Hello again and happy Tuesday, world of slicers! It's been a while. I really do value this community of writers and I miss it when I skip a week or two or twenty.

The past couple of days have been more relaxed, lazy kinds of days. And to feel better about myself, I need to be more productive. I just have to. That has seemed to translate into me watching a movie on Netflix, blogging, clearing off my desk, unpacking my suitcase from my big East Coast trip, doing some laundry, and maybe heading to the park with a book. Only a couple of these things have already come to pass, and I'm not going to tell you which ones.

I guess the conundrum I'm facing now that school is out for the summer and I'm back from my trip is the fact that I have SO many ways (all great ways too) I could spend the rest of my time this summer  and no clue how to efficiently and effectively use that time. How can I balance all of the planning, reading, crafting, adventuring, cleaning, exercising, and socializing I want to do? It's all great. But how do I decide which are the more important items I should place on my days' dockets?

The second part of this conundrum is that I also don't want to feel like I'm so incredibly busy like I do during the school year. The glorious feeling of having more freedom with how to spend my days is something I've been waiting for and it's finally arrived! But how do I keep that freedom (staying away from feeling overwhelmingly "busy") while still accomplishing all I want to do?

Summer will quickly come and go. Like a flash on a camera. I just want to make sure that whatever lasting picture that flash helped to capture is expressive, inspired, and gratifying.

What I Needed

There are so many hard things in life. Of course in varying degrees of hardship. Lately, it's been pretty rough for me, but the kind of rough that's not life or death. The persistent, nagging hardship of the day to day life. Getting this 1st year teacher thing down is even harder than I could've imagined. It's impossible to stay on top of things, and dealing with unappreciative, rude students is just salt in the wounds.

Juggling the four million and one thoughts that go through my mind each day is near impossible, and sometimes I wonder if I can do it. If I've made the right choice.

But then little moments, like what just happened less than an hour ago, occur. I was letting my 2nd period class out, when one student paused for a minute at the door and handed me a note. "This is for you," she said. I took it with a gracious "Thank you!" even though I had no idea what it was. I have my prep period next (now), so I sat down at my desk to read the note once the students had cleared out.

Tears immediately started to well in my eyes as I read the sweet, kind words of this single student. Phrases popped out like "I learn so much in this class," "I honestly wouldn't ask for a different teacher," I think kids my age don't realize the impact teachers have," among other thoughtful words. This cognizant and caring student was observant enough to recognize disrespect for what it's worth. Pain and frustration for both student and teacher.

I share this because this really is a message for all of you teachers out there. If you ever have a day when you feel unappreciated and worthless, like you're spinning your wheels, remember the words of this one student of mine projecting to the whole lot of us. "I think kids my age don't realize the impact teachers have." At least one student has realized that, right? And for now, today, in this moment, that's exactly what I needed to keep going.

A Dose of Enthusiasm

Hello again to the world of bloggers!

It has been over 9 months since I last sliced. Or even blogged for that matter. A whole person could have been created and born in the amount of time I've been missing from the scene. Of course realizing this comes with a twinge of guilt, but what can I say other than "I've been busy?" I know that's not a good excuse. We're all busy, yet most of us bloggers don't stop. I've come to feel even more guilty when I realize this. Not only guilty, but self-deprived.

Only part of this experience is for you, bloggers, and the rest (and probably most important part) is for me. I need to get my words out. It's a release! I'm sure most of you reading this would agree. There's something about writing (and being enthusiastic about it) that can change your whole perception. How you view the world. How you view the little things in your daily life. It's almost like putting my thoughts to paper make them more real to me.

So that's what I came to write about today. I hope to rekindle the spark I once felt for blogging and recommit myself to it, because who cares if I'm busy? We all are. I need this. I've missed it.

I'm reinvigorated today by enthusiasm. It's not always the easiest thing to come by, especially as a teacher waking up early every morning and running off of a pinch of sleep. But today in my earlier classes I tried something that I should be doing every single moment I teach. However, it doesn't always happen. Be enthusiastic. About everything. It's been amazing to see the change in my students today when I just let loose a little bit and belted out School House Rock's Preamble song with them, because, for goodness sake, I love that song and I wanted to! They were probably the most excited about class I've seen in a while. They mirror my enthusiasm, so when they aren't excited really I'm the one to blame. It's at least caused me to think and reevaluate things this morning, including my leave of absence from blogging. So I'm here to say, I'm back. Enthusiasm and all.

Let Sunshine In

This morning I woke up with a swollen eye and a rash all over my arms and neck. Oh, the loveliness of allergy season. At least I hope it's just allergies, probably combined with stress and my predisposition to eczema as well. It's really easy to let something like that take over my day and put me in a funk for all of my waking hours. And it did start off that way today.

Luckily, the weather was beautiful. So I donned shorts and flip flops to head up to campus. That was the first thing to brighten my day, both literally and figuratively. Then my classes were a pleasure to sit through and the time went by so quickly!

I met up with my roommate, H, after class and we walked home exchanging much-needed girl talk. Sometimes it's a wonder what a little chat with a friend can do to your mood.

Now as I sit here, looking at the massive amount of work I still have to do in the next 16 days, I want to cry. 16 more days until I'm done with college classes. 16 more days until I can finally read books that I choose to read. 16 more days until I can get a full night's sleep. 16 more days. But because I let the sunshine in earlier, it's sticking with me for the rest of the day and I hope for the next 16 days as well. I really hope.

Disney Distractions

So I have a slight confession. Two actually. First, I'm a Disney-a-holic. Second, I'm trying really really hard to write a paper right now, but I turned on my Disney Pandora station and I've been sucked in. The attempt was completely innocent at the beginning. I was going to change the station to some light listening (something with no words) so I can start cruising on this research paper. But the first song that came on was "When Will My Life Begin?" from Tangled. If it had been any other song, I would've had the willpower to change it. But no. The universe decided to play that song. So now it's been nearly 30 minutes and I've enjoyed lovely music from Mulan, Enchanted, The Jungle Book, Tarzan, The Little Mermaid, and more Tangled. Argh! And the only things written on my research paper are the lyrics to one of the songs.

I guess there is a third confession. I couldn't even stop at wasting my time with Disney music, but now I'm blogging. Isn't it funny how everything becomes more appealing than writing (especially research paper writing) when it's staring you in the face? I'd even rather do the dishes or sort socks or shuck corn or something else unbelievably monotonous. So now I'll try to pull myself away from the Disney music, which might be easier now that The Lion King's "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" is playing. It's my one shot to break away! Wish me luck.

Thaw

I'm sitting outside in cool air, listening to birds chirp. This morning when I woke up, there was no ice on my windshield and I probably even could have ditched my winter coat for a light jacket. Basically, it is a beautiful day.

I've tried to explain the thing I'm about to say to many people in the past and the only person that has successfully understood me is my best friend, T. There are just certain times of the year (yes, times) that I can feel just as tangibly as I can feel my keyboard right now. One of those times is Halloween. I tell people that it feels like Halloween, and all I usually get is a questioning look. But I promise you it's real to me. Something just changes inside of me and it's like I have internalized the season. This is exactly the same situation for spring.

Today feels like spring, and it's not just because of the literal warmer temperature. The whole atmosphere that I stepped out into today encompasses me and softly whispers that spring is indeed here. I know that there are technically 8 more days until it's official, but my inner gauge tells me differently. So I just thought I'd let you know, even though it could be back to winter tomorrow (cursed indecisive Utah weather). This internal feeling doesn't work like the calendar. It's just as malleable as the environment I'm in. I'm just glad that I can hear the birds again.

Books, Books, Books

As much as I enjoy the advancements in technology that have yielded such innovations as the Kindle, audiobooks, and other e-readers, I still stick to the belief that there is nothing quite like reading a bound book with yellowing pages.

Nearly my whole day has been spent in reading books and I even made a voyage to the library to pick up some more. Being in rooms with book-lined walls made me sit back and think for a minute. Could anyone ever read every single book ever written? Of course not. But it is in the endeavor to try where I believe great minds are built. The library is my own personal labyrinth. It is the place where I treasure hunt. The place where I discover more about myself. The thing that scares me the most is that those opportunities won't exist for the next generation.

I feel like my whole world is wrapped up in my experiences with real, tangible books. Books that I can turn the pages of, smell the musty passed time, literally grasp at their truths. So when those cease to exist, will I? I feel like I will be shoved into the great expanse we call history, even if it happens within my lifetime. Technology is advancing so quickly, sometimes it makes me wonder if the modern world will just pick up and leave me behind, softly humming as I flip through the pages of a majestic book.

“There is something wonderful about a book. We can pick it up. We can heft it. We can read it. We can set it down. We can think of what we have read. It does something for us. We can share great minds, great actions, and great undertakings in the pages of a book.” -Gordon B. Hinckley