So Much To Do...

Hello again and happy Tuesday, world of slicers! It's been a while. I really do value this community of writers and I miss it when I skip a week or two or twenty.

The past couple of days have been more relaxed, lazy kinds of days. And to feel better about myself, I need to be more productive. I just have to. That has seemed to translate into me watching a movie on Netflix, blogging, clearing off my desk, unpacking my suitcase from my big East Coast trip, doing some laundry, and maybe heading to the park with a book. Only a couple of these things have already come to pass, and I'm not going to tell you which ones.

I guess the conundrum I'm facing now that school is out for the summer and I'm back from my trip is the fact that I have SO many ways (all great ways too) I could spend the rest of my time this summer  and no clue how to efficiently and effectively use that time. How can I balance all of the planning, reading, crafting, adventuring, cleaning, exercising, and socializing I want to do? It's all great. But how do I decide which are the more important items I should place on my days' dockets?

The second part of this conundrum is that I also don't want to feel like I'm so incredibly busy like I do during the school year. The glorious feeling of having more freedom with how to spend my days is something I've been waiting for and it's finally arrived! But how do I keep that freedom (staying away from feeling overwhelmingly "busy") while still accomplishing all I want to do?

Summer will quickly come and go. Like a flash on a camera. I just want to make sure that whatever lasting picture that flash helped to capture is expressive, inspired, and gratifying.

What I Needed

There are so many hard things in life. Of course in varying degrees of hardship. Lately, it's been pretty rough for me, but the kind of rough that's not life or death. The persistent, nagging hardship of the day to day life. Getting this 1st year teacher thing down is even harder than I could've imagined. It's impossible to stay on top of things, and dealing with unappreciative, rude students is just salt in the wounds.

Juggling the four million and one thoughts that go through my mind each day is near impossible, and sometimes I wonder if I can do it. If I've made the right choice.

But then little moments, like what just happened less than an hour ago, occur. I was letting my 2nd period class out, when one student paused for a minute at the door and handed me a note. "This is for you," she said. I took it with a gracious "Thank you!" even though I had no idea what it was. I have my prep period next (now), so I sat down at my desk to read the note once the students had cleared out.

Tears immediately started to well in my eyes as I read the sweet, kind words of this single student. Phrases popped out like "I learn so much in this class," "I honestly wouldn't ask for a different teacher," I think kids my age don't realize the impact teachers have," among other thoughtful words. This cognizant and caring student was observant enough to recognize disrespect for what it's worth. Pain and frustration for both student and teacher.

I share this because this really is a message for all of you teachers out there. If you ever have a day when you feel unappreciated and worthless, like you're spinning your wheels, remember the words of this one student of mine projecting to the whole lot of us. "I think kids my age don't realize the impact teachers have." At least one student has realized that, right? And for now, today, in this moment, that's exactly what I needed to keep going.

A Dose of Enthusiasm

Hello again to the world of bloggers!

It has been over 9 months since I last sliced. Or even blogged for that matter. A whole person could have been created and born in the amount of time I've been missing from the scene. Of course realizing this comes with a twinge of guilt, but what can I say other than "I've been busy?" I know that's not a good excuse. We're all busy, yet most of us bloggers don't stop. I've come to feel even more guilty when I realize this. Not only guilty, but self-deprived.

Only part of this experience is for you, bloggers, and the rest (and probably most important part) is for me. I need to get my words out. It's a release! I'm sure most of you reading this would agree. There's something about writing (and being enthusiastic about it) that can change your whole perception. How you view the world. How you view the little things in your daily life. It's almost like putting my thoughts to paper make them more real to me.

So that's what I came to write about today. I hope to rekindle the spark I once felt for blogging and recommit myself to it, because who cares if I'm busy? We all are. I need this. I've missed it.

I'm reinvigorated today by enthusiasm. It's not always the easiest thing to come by, especially as a teacher waking up early every morning and running off of a pinch of sleep. But today in my earlier classes I tried something that I should be doing every single moment I teach. However, it doesn't always happen. Be enthusiastic. About everything. It's been amazing to see the change in my students today when I just let loose a little bit and belted out School House Rock's Preamble song with them, because, for goodness sake, I love that song and I wanted to! They were probably the most excited about class I've seen in a while. They mirror my enthusiasm, so when they aren't excited really I'm the one to blame. It's at least caused me to think and reevaluate things this morning, including my leave of absence from blogging. So I'm here to say, I'm back. Enthusiasm and all.

Let Sunshine In

This morning I woke up with a swollen eye and a rash all over my arms and neck. Oh, the loveliness of allergy season. At least I hope it's just allergies, probably combined with stress and my predisposition to eczema as well. It's really easy to let something like that take over my day and put me in a funk for all of my waking hours. And it did start off that way today.

Luckily, the weather was beautiful. So I donned shorts and flip flops to head up to campus. That was the first thing to brighten my day, both literally and figuratively. Then my classes were a pleasure to sit through and the time went by so quickly!

I met up with my roommate, H, after class and we walked home exchanging much-needed girl talk. Sometimes it's a wonder what a little chat with a friend can do to your mood.

Now as I sit here, looking at the massive amount of work I still have to do in the next 16 days, I want to cry. 16 more days until I'm done with college classes. 16 more days until I can finally read books that I choose to read. 16 more days until I can get a full night's sleep. 16 more days. But because I let the sunshine in earlier, it's sticking with me for the rest of the day and I hope for the next 16 days as well. I really hope.

Disney Distractions

So I have a slight confession. Two actually. First, I'm a Disney-a-holic. Second, I'm trying really really hard to write a paper right now, but I turned on my Disney Pandora station and I've been sucked in. The attempt was completely innocent at the beginning. I was going to change the station to some light listening (something with no words) so I can start cruising on this research paper. But the first song that came on was "When Will My Life Begin?" from Tangled. If it had been any other song, I would've had the willpower to change it. But no. The universe decided to play that song. So now it's been nearly 30 minutes and I've enjoyed lovely music from Mulan, Enchanted, The Jungle Book, Tarzan, The Little Mermaid, and more Tangled. Argh! And the only things written on my research paper are the lyrics to one of the songs.

I guess there is a third confession. I couldn't even stop at wasting my time with Disney music, but now I'm blogging. Isn't it funny how everything becomes more appealing than writing (especially research paper writing) when it's staring you in the face? I'd even rather do the dishes or sort socks or shuck corn or something else unbelievably monotonous. So now I'll try to pull myself away from the Disney music, which might be easier now that The Lion King's "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" is playing. It's my one shot to break away! Wish me luck.

Thaw

I'm sitting outside in cool air, listening to birds chirp. This morning when I woke up, there was no ice on my windshield and I probably even could have ditched my winter coat for a light jacket. Basically, it is a beautiful day.

I've tried to explain the thing I'm about to say to many people in the past and the only person that has successfully understood me is my best friend, T. There are just certain times of the year (yes, times) that I can feel just as tangibly as I can feel my keyboard right now. One of those times is Halloween. I tell people that it feels like Halloween, and all I usually get is a questioning look. But I promise you it's real to me. Something just changes inside of me and it's like I have internalized the season. This is exactly the same situation for spring.

Today feels like spring, and it's not just because of the literal warmer temperature. The whole atmosphere that I stepped out into today encompasses me and softly whispers that spring is indeed here. I know that there are technically 8 more days until it's official, but my inner gauge tells me differently. So I just thought I'd let you know, even though it could be back to winter tomorrow (cursed indecisive Utah weather). This internal feeling doesn't work like the calendar. It's just as malleable as the environment I'm in. I'm just glad that I can hear the birds again.

Books, Books, Books

As much as I enjoy the advancements in technology that have yielded such innovations as the Kindle, audiobooks, and other e-readers, I still stick to the belief that there is nothing quite like reading a bound book with yellowing pages.

Nearly my whole day has been spent in reading books and I even made a voyage to the library to pick up some more. Being in rooms with book-lined walls made me sit back and think for a minute. Could anyone ever read every single book ever written? Of course not. But it is in the endeavor to try where I believe great minds are built. The library is my own personal labyrinth. It is the place where I treasure hunt. The place where I discover more about myself. The thing that scares me the most is that those opportunities won't exist for the next generation.

I feel like my whole world is wrapped up in my experiences with real, tangible books. Books that I can turn the pages of, smell the musty passed time, literally grasp at their truths. So when those cease to exist, will I? I feel like I will be shoved into the great expanse we call history, even if it happens within my lifetime. Technology is advancing so quickly, sometimes it makes me wonder if the modern world will just pick up and leave me behind, softly humming as I flip through the pages of a majestic book.

“There is something wonderful about a book. We can pick it up. We can heft it. We can read it. We can set it down. We can think of what we have read. It does something for us. We can share great minds, great actions, and great undertakings in the pages of a book.” -Gordon B. Hinckley

Puzzle Pieces

We had a really fantastic writing prompt today in one of my English classes. Found Poetry. Using our phone music playlists, iPod playlists, text messages, or books, we created a poem using only the song titles or phrases from the material we were viewing. I was so impressed with how well this worked and how fun it was. I told my roommate, H, about it when I got home and she wanted to write her own! You know a prompt or assignment is good when you want to go home and work on it more for pure enjoyment!

It really is like taking puzzle pieces (bits of already existing material) and crafting them together in a new way to create your own version of the big puzzle picture. I chose my "Recently Played" playlist on my iPod and I came up with a decent poem, but I tried again when I got home and came up with this:

I learned from you to be surprised.
An ocean of memories, one by one
Lazy days, the way we were,
wishing you were somehow here again.
Only time on my own somewhere
anchor you and I fathoms below.
The truth? I'll be OK
Sunrise, Sunset

I broke up the various song titles with different colors, so you can see how they are all so separate, little puzzle pieces or distant entities, but brought together to create a bigger picture. This is definitely one of the most interesting writing prompts I've ever seen, and it's definitely going in my teaching toolbox.

Pure Bliss

Do you ever have those moments when you are simply over the moon? I got some amazing news this afternoon and every 5 minutes or so, I have another mini realization that this is actually happening. I'll start giggling, chills running up my back. Constantly needing to ask myself if I'm dreaming is definitely a good sign and helps me realize how blessed I am.

I wrote my slice yesterday about recognizing the amazing little things in life. I think that was a great perspective for me to have and helps me appreciate the big things, like what happened today, even more.

Now I'm sitting in my living room, feet kicked up, with Storage Wars humming in the background. Somehow that image is the visual representation of my satisfaction with my situation at the moment. Today was a great day.

Little Things

After waking up this morning to my phone alarm energetically pumping out cutting island tones, I stumbled out of bed to get ready for the day. Monday mornings aren't my favorite thing in the world, but this morning hasn't been so terrible.

The braid in my hair turned out like I wanted it to, I got to wear my favorite scarf, I found a great parking spot on campus, climbing the seemingly mile-high stairs wasn't as laborious today, the professor that I TA for commended my grading efforts for the class's midterm, and now I'm sitting in my favorite building on campus looking out of large windows at an amazing view of snow-glazed mountains emerged in sunlight.

It truly is the little things in life that make it worth living for me. I find more happiness in my life when I learn to pay attention to things like a breeze, a smile, the sound of rain, the smell of new books, and millions of other little miracles that constantly surround me.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." ~Robert Brault

Self-Prescribed

The past few days have been really rough. I've had papers to write and midterms to take. I've even had to grade a stack of midterms for the class I TA for. (Who knew grading could take upwards of 12 hours?! I guess I should've expected that). So I ended up pulling an almost-all-nighter to grade those on Thursday into Friday and then taking my own midterm later that afternoon, running off of 1 hour of sleep. Finally getting home last night with some dinner, I finished eating and collapsed in bed at 8:00, welcoming a chance to rest.

Unfortunately my body had different plans and I ended up getting sick in the night, which is something I dread almost more than anything. I usually go years between times when I throw up, therefore it terrifies me when it actually happens. So after spending the first morning hours of this day in the bathroom, holding back my hair with tears streaming down my face, I've decided to stay in bed for the rest of the day. Watching the sun peek through the cracks in my blinds, I'm still content holing up in here with a soft bed, pillows, and a stack of unread books. Even with nights like last night, I love days like today.

Slice of Life: The Soundtrack of My Life

It's like that moment when everything starts to go in slow motion... Now, don't think I'm crazy. I swear to you that it has happened. When I was in the middle of a dance competition once, the host school decided that the floor needed to be so shiny that they waxed it an indefinite number of times. Girls were dropping faster than flies and I happened to be one of them. At the moment before I hit the ground, I could hear some pretty intense "call me to the light" music and everything around me literally started to strobe before my eyes in a weird state of slow motion. I can't make this stuff up.

I began thinking about this incident today as I sat at a computer in the library. There have often been times in my life that I can almost hear the music that should be playing in the background at that particular moment, the soundtrack of my life if you will. These moments sneak up on me. It can occur in a dramatic or exciting moment, but there is no rhyme or reason to it. This morning I sat in the midst of a room full of students in the library, all abuzz with their own lives and situations; however I decided to plug into a state of isolation and erase them. In this case, I was listening to actual music. The music I began playing from the playlist entitled "Finals Study Playlist" from 8tracks.com, which my roommate so kindly got me hooked on, swept over me like a massive wave.

I was working on some basic reading and assignments for one of my classes but I might as well have been embarking on a mission to save the world. I suddenly became like Nicholas Cage in National Treasure and the urgency hit me. The slow ebb and flow of the horns, the piercing staccato of the strings, the ethereal "ahs" of the choir, and the rising rumble of the timpani called me to action.

I worked even more feverishly with the development of the music. As I finished my work, the music tapered off as well. It was time to go to class. I took out my headphones and the ambient noise of the hundreds of students around me began to seep back into my hearing. I smiled to myself, knowing the adventure I had just left behind. It's okay though, because I'll be back to it soon enough. The soundtrack of my life, while interspersed with short periods of silence, continues to play on.